I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sex in the backyard? Check.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
