Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
