He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
