I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
