I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
