i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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