id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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