I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
