the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
