I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
