Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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