i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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