Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
