You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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