Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize