I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
