How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
