My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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