I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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