my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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