i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
