He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
