i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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