my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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