matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The best revenge is premature balding
should my penis look like a turkey
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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