can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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