Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
