Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
