I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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