I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
