i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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