Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
