i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
