uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
