I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
