i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
