you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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