Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
