I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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