can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
