dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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