I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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