The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
