the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
