sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am available for nakedness
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
