I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
