Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
