Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
