my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
