I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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