the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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