go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
