im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
